When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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