a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
