what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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