the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
