I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize