nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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