Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize