There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
