i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
