Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
