STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize
