There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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