My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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