there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize