so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
