just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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