his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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