i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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