I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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