i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
