You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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