You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
