You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
