There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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