if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize