Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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