I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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