i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize