she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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