I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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