it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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