ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
