i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
