There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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