Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
