Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How external is "for external use only"?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
