Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
