It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
