so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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