Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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