Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There's always time for handjobs
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
