i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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