In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
