she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
