This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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