somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
