my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
