I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
