I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
