I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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