You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
