i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
