Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
