Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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