3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
