good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
