It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
