I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
