I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
