saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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